So I wandered this past weekend. Those that know me, know that it is my sort of thing to get up and drive places for a 1.5 hour concert. Well, Wilmore Kentucky was beautiful. The road gave me lots of time to think. A couple of things occurred to me.
One--just when I think that I might be ready to consider getting into a relationship, I realize what a mess that might be. Does it stay that way? I mean do you just accept that you will have all kinds of "issues" to deal with in a relationship? Does that special person make it all worth it to wade through the crap of our lives? I often think...why would someone want to place importance on such an unstable unpredictable needy person? Or are we all unstable, unpredictable, and needy? Well, I was given a new cd this past weekend and there is a song on it that has some lyrics that hit me.
"Every single heart I have held in my hand, in my clumsy hands, I've fumbled them around until they fell. It's much safer ground just keeping to myself. But I still dream of tomorrow where the past will not be in my way and passion lives another day and I wilstill dream of tomorrow where perhaps she'll wait for me."
So I fall in the category of realizing that it much safer to keep to myslef, but I still dream of tomorrow where perhaps someone is waitng for me.
Second, I want to serve God, but why is it unclear sometimes? I am dodging God's bullets or at least I am waiting until He gets a good clear shot. I don't want to be just wounded and hobbling from one of His bullets. I want him to take me out make it clear what I am suppose to do with myself. So this is a really weird spot in my life. Where is my postcard from God telling me what to do? I think that I have decided to stay in West Michigan for a year and clear out my debt and then I will be free to go places that will be a little more financially unstable and not worry about the government coming after me. :) Hopefully, I will be willing to change after a year...my fear is that I will get too comfortable. Anyway, enough rambling for this Sunday evening.