Okay, so it has been more than a while and I am settling in finally to having a real job. Actually, currently I am supervising a study hall. I am usually tired. But I am adjusting. I think the scientist in me would call it adaptation. My kids are good for the most part. I have a couple of problem students, but for the most part, I definitely can't complain. I will write more later.....I promise. :)

If you are curious about where I will be teaching....Here is the websiteGrant Public Schools
I will be at the high school so you might have to journey a little further. :)

I think I may have to rename this blogger and call it "A First Year Teacher's Journal of Insanity". Yesterday I started pulling together my classroom. Thankfully someone ordered me all the school supplies that I would need. So I unpacked staplers, rulers, rubberbands, paperclips (in four different sizes and two different styles), pencils, and boxes and boxes and boxes of chalk. I also met my first student. Typical freshman looking for her classes so she doesn't walk into the wrong one on the first day of school. :) Now I just need plants for my classroom. I want my classroom to look alive, not a sterile flourescent concrete walled institution. Wel, I think that I am officially excited to be a teacher.

Where did it all go? I mean I thought that July had 31 days in it, not 31 minutes. Why does summer do that? Wow, to be quite honest--I don't even know where to begin. I spent my summer in Cooperstown North Dakota working at a Bible camp out there. Let me tell you this--a summer of ministry can ruin your life-in all the good and bad ways. I have learned much about myself. One major thing is that I tend towards self-sufficiency a bit too much. Not that I don't trust God with my life, but that I want to do it on my own. I also tend to not open up to people like I should. It is more likely that I will joke about surface issues than dig into the heart of the matter. I guess I don't want to burden anyone with my issues. I feel that everyone has enough garbage to deal with, let alone hear mine. Plus, I would rather not admit that I can't handle everything on my own.

I also feel like I need to make a little tribute to my friends of the summer:

Seth: My encounters with you leave me longing to know a fraction of the Scriptures that you know. You point those around you to God with your living faith. Your farmboy work ethic leaves everyone else in the dust. Don't forget to enjoy the moments, like sitting in the office with the sun streaming in the windows listening to good music and the conversation of friends. You thought I was crazy at that moment, didn't you? Well, maybe not just that moment.

Clare: Your gentle spirit was always a breath of fresh air to me. Whenever the water started to close in over my head, you were there with a hand and a smile. You never got tired of listening to me talk or at least you never let it show. We are friends and our paths will cross again and I look forward to it. I hope the lake was everything you needed. No initiation. NEVER.

John: How would any of us have made it through the summer without you? I mean if only for your miraculous healing of the program office air conditioner. :) You were always willing to entertain my silly questions about why things work the way they do. Thank you for being patient with me. I hope you find what you are looking for.

Nate: I can't believe that I am friends with the student body president of Trinity International University. Do you think I could get an autographed button or something? :) What would I have done without you this summer? Thanks for understanding the way my mind works. Put the big rocks in first, but make sure you pick the right big rocks.

Mindy: I love your emtional honesty. You never let that computer really get the best of you. I am thankful that we could share this summer together. Your compassion for others will enable you to become a wonderful nurse. Don't forget who we're trying to please.

There are lots of others I could write a tribute to, but these are the ones that I spent the most time with. So to the rest of y'all. Just ask and I'll write a tribute to you. :)

I am sure that over the next month I will realize more and more the things that I have learned this summer. So for now I will begin the process of getting ready to be a high school Algebra and Biology teacher. I start having meetings in a little less than a week. Wow!! I have a "real" job.

If you want to know where I spent my summer, click here

OKay okay...I know I am overdue for an update. And do I have an update.
1. I have a job in the fall. I will be teaching 5 Algebra classes and 1 Biology class at Grant High School. Grant is a small rural community just 30 minutes north of Grand Rapids. There are 650 students in the high school.

2. I have decided to work at Cooperstown Bible Camp for the summer. My role would include being in charge of the the female counselors. I just decided this yesterday. So if they accept me for it....(they offered it to me so I think they will) then I will leave in the next week to head out to North Dakota. Weird eh?

So there is the update. They will probably be few and far between now.

So I wandered this past weekend. Those that know me, know that it is my sort of thing to get up and drive places for a 1.5 hour concert. Well, Wilmore Kentucky was beautiful. The road gave me lots of time to think. A couple of things occurred to me.
One--just when I think that I might be ready to consider getting into a relationship, I realize what a mess that might be. Does it stay that way? I mean do you just accept that you will have all kinds of "issues" to deal with in a relationship? Does that special person make it all worth it to wade through the crap of our lives? I often think...why would someone want to place importance on such an unstable unpredictable needy person? Or are we all unstable, unpredictable, and needy? Well, I was given a new cd this past weekend and there is a song on it that has some lyrics that hit me.
"Every single heart I have held in my hand, in my clumsy hands, I've fumbled them around until they fell. It's much safer ground just keeping to myself. But I still dream of tomorrow where the past will not be in my way and passion lives another day and I wilstill dream of tomorrow where perhaps she'll wait for me."
So I fall in the category of realizing that it much safer to keep to myslef, but I still dream of tomorrow where perhaps someone is waitng for me.
Second, I want to serve God, but why is it unclear sometimes? I am dodging God's bullets or at least I am waiting until He gets a good clear shot. I don't want to be just wounded and hobbling from one of His bullets. I want him to take me out make it clear what I am suppose to do with myself. So this is a really weird spot in my life. Where is my postcard from God telling me what to do? I think that I have decided to stay in West Michigan for a year and clear out my debt and then I will be free to go places that will be a little more financially unstable and not worry about the government coming after me. :) Hopefully, I will be willing to change after a year...my fear is that I will get too comfortable. Anyway, enough rambling for this Sunday evening.

When is something considered walking by faith? When is
something considered foolish? Are we all "fools" in the eyes of
the world for following Christ? This weekend I went to a Youth
Specialties seminar in Grand Rapids and Mike Yaconelli was the
speaker. It was powerful to hear him talk about the Christian
faith as being dangerous. During one of the breaks, I was chatting
with a older gentleman in my congregation about the uncertainty of
my future. He mentioned to me that God speaks through
opportunities. He is a wise man that has followed God. He told me
that he is a little scared of retiring because he doesn't know what
God will ask of him. I felt like I could totally relate.

Today was it....that's all there it. I am done with student teaching. It was a sad day for a couple of reasons. First, I left all those needy students that I really do love. Second, I got home and wanted to share my jubliation with someone, but there just wasn't anyone to share it with. There wasn't a message on my answering machine asking me how my day went. There were no emails from friends waiting for me to share my joy. (well, okay I did get one personal email today--thanks John) This really isn't a pity party for me and I don't want a flood of emails now. i amnot trying to make you feel guilty. I am just saying that I realized how nice it would be to have someone there to share these moments with. I am just as guilty because I didn't stay in touch with all my friends like I should have during this crazy winter. So for those of you that I haven't seen in a while....I'm back. :)

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.
Proverbs 16:9

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.
Proverbs 16:3

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
Isaiah 30:21

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.
Isaiah 42:16

Dear Lord,
Help me to delight in you. Help me to place my faith in you. Give me light and lead me.

Today has brought me a gourmet of memories.....

It is summer....there is a slight breeze that brings the aroma of "The Lake"....the sand is warm beneath my feet....I can squish it between my toes as I hear the guitars strum....I turn to see friends in the Spirit on either side...I call this place "Home" in my heart.


I am in a dimly lit room with stained glass on all sides....my friends are standing near me....we are approaching the front of this large chapel to partake in the bread and wine....the presence of God is tangible.....I call this place "Home" in my heart.


I am in a place that once was named "My God is a consuming fire"....there is laughter in the air....there is a sharing of hopes and dreams and uncertainties....the smell of DeepWoods OFF permeates all things almost to the point that you cease to notice it....I call this place "Home" in my heart.

As I think back on these memories of different places and times in my life, I notice a theme that runs through these "Homes" -- the presence of God and friends. So in my search for a possible new home (geographical), I need to seach for a place that can contain these two items. Since God is Omnipresent, I guess that just leaves my friends. :)

God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? Numbers 23:19

Well, the first miracle happened. My taxes where completed this morning and it looks like I wil have a little more in my account than I need, which is unbelieveable. Honestly....unbelieveable. miraculous. To my dad the non-Christian, he sees that I didn't earn as much last year as he had estimated and so it makes sense. To me, all I see is God at work. But I still don't feel that I can make a commitment like being away for the summer yet. I need the job settled. Does this seem like I am putting stipulations on God? I don't mean to. I was chatting on line with a friend last night. I told her that I am beginning to fee like my life is out of my control. The minute I saw the words on the screen I realized--I should not have control of my life. I should be trusting God to control my life. Why is this so hard sometimes? I like to be in control of my own life. But then I shouldn't? Anyway, enough rambling. I am just estatic that the tax thing came out okay.

So on to another dilemma in my life---this summer. So I am done with student teaching in 5 school days (unreal isn't it?) I have close to no idea what I will do with myself after that. I am planning on being a sub until school lets out. Then I really have no idea. This part of it isn't too much of a problem other than the fact that I have been asked if I want to go back and work at camp (Cooperstown Bible Camp in Cooperstown , ND) for the summer on the leadership staff. This is really difficult for me because my experience at CBC last summer was so incredible. I felt that I had grown unbelieveably spiritually, mentally, physically, and emtionally. The Biblical teaching that I experienced there was unreal. Really, the only way this would work out for me is if the following happen: 1. I don't owe too much on my taxes or at least I don't owe more than I have stashed away. Considering that I won a car in 2000, this is quite improbable, but God does perform miracles. 2. I work a lot in the month of May and save a lot of money. 3. Find a job that doesn't start until mid August. Now all of these things would have to occur rather quickly. So here I am in a position where I wonder if I am to wait for a sign (any of the above) or if I am to act totally on faith that this is what God wants me to do. The spiritual side of me says act on faith....but what happens if I say "okay" and then find out that I am unable to do it because I haven't found a job yet or I don't have enough money to get out to ND. So the truth is that I covet your prayers. Prayers that the things above will happen. Prayers that I will remain strong in my faith during this time of trial. Prayers that whatever happens my family will be supportive. Prayers that I will feel peace about my decsions and direction that is purely divine. Right now my stomach gets in a bunch everytime I think about what will happen in 2 weeks or in 2 days. This is unusual for me. Usually, uncertainty thrills me. Right now, it makes me feel ill. I know that God is faithful. Lord, Please shine your Light on my life.

Okay, so it has been forever since I blogged. Things have been and continue to be crazy here in Michelle's Life. Where do I even begin?
Spring Break has come and gone. I traveled to North Carolina to look around at the school system down there. Specifically, Asheville. It was wonderful. I really enjoyed Asheville. I think if they offered me a job I would have to really consider it. From there I traveled to Winston-Salem/Greensboro because they had openings for a Biology teacher. Well, I wasn't sold on that area. It looked a lot like where I live now, just in the South. Since I was only an hour from Chapel Hill, I cruised over there to take a gander at UNC because it is my littlest sister's favorite school. It is a beautiful school. It made me wish that I had thought more about going out of state for college. Then I headed home.

The whole trip brought me to a couple of conclusions. First, it is hard to move somewhere that you don't know anybody. It can work, but looking at being a first year teacher I realized that it would be a difficult thing. Second, I really don't mind the Midwest. I cannot deny that I am a Midwest gal. As boring and unpredictable as that may sound, it is the truth. It doesn't mean that I couldn't change....it just means that it would be an adjustment. Third, I am really no closer to decided what I am going to do with my life than I was 5 years ago. Well, maybe a little closer...I at least know what I want to do--teach. But the perimeters on where have not presented themselves entirely.

So this has lead me to look at places where I might know someone....or at least have some sort of connection there. So here are some choices: Denver, Chicago, Raleigh, Minneapolis, St. Louis, Nashville, Boston/RI, Burlington VT, or almost anywhere in MI. So as you can see, I am not very close to figuring out this mess I call "my life."
So this was Spring break.....I am breaking up my blogging posts to cover the last month. :)
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blogger.comWhen we become aware that
we do not have to escape our pains,
but that we can mobilize them
into a common search for life,
those very pains are transformed
from expressions of despair
into signs of hope.

- Henri Nouwen

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Four years ago, I had a dream. I decided that I wanted to teach science. So I envisioned myself teaching high school biology in a town not very close to where I grew up. (The key there is NOT very close to where I grew up) This required me to go back to school for my teaching certificate. So I did. Here's my dilemma---I am at the verge of my dream. I graduate in April. I honestly never thought I would make it. So here I am. Why does my dream scare me now? I am looking at job descriptions in far off places that make my heart soar. I thought the goal of dreams was to accomplish them. Now I think that the goal of dreams is just simply to have them.

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Man, don't you just love little sisters?
Mine can make me laugh so hard that I am about to wet my pants.
Sometimes I am glad that she comes home for vacations.
I am talking about my sister Andrea. She is 18, a freshman in college, and she needs to find a real man. She thinks the one she has is perfect....well, I'm only a sister. I don't have to kiss him. Or deal with his criminal record. wait...I guess it is just a misdomeaner. Tonight at the hockey game she was shouting at any random hockey player to "Marry my sister." She is getting desperate for me to get paired off. Everytime I think she really cares about my wellbeing and then she explains that is only because she wants some flower girls at her own wedding. Often it is followed up with "So get crackin'!" Anyway, like I said. She makes me laugh.

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I love middle school kids. I honestly think it is as close to unconditional love on earth as a person can get. I remember being in middle school (only we called it junior high then). I didn't care much about anyone except for myself. Being a teacher, you are especially hard hit with their aggression and frustration. Never have I been the target of so many terrible barbs-until I entered the middle school as a 7th grade science student teacher. Wow. When I lay down to sleep at night, they ring in my head..."this is stupid....this class sucks....why don't you learn how to teach....you are a b****.....you are boring...I hate school.....I hate science....I don't want to...I don't care.....go ahead and call my mom.....what smells in here." It is a constant cycling of the everlasting questions. Yet when my alarm goes off in the morning all I can remember is how one student called me her "dawg" (which I guess is a good thing these days and it supposedly has nothing to do with a person's appearence). Or I remember that one difficult student making an effort to stay quiet on task even though it was close to impossible for that student. I remember the hilarious comments they make about life and their friends. I remember the hard to motivate student saying "man, that's tight." in reference to a science demonstration that I did. So I get ready and get in my car and repeat the cycle day after day after day. Kind of like they do, they look forward to going to school to see their friends, to be encouraged by respectable adults, and to gain a sense of accomplishment. But when they get there--they put on the "I'm too cool for school" mask. The hallways filled with "he said-she said" conversations, notes written by girls that dot their i's with hearts and write in colors like pink and purple, the smell of adolescents that haven't been made aware of deoderent yet even though they should have been, the extended amounts of time spent in the bathroom in front of the mirror by both girls and boys....did I mention that I love middle school kids?

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So I am still trying to figure this all out. Please bear with me. :)

All right. It is 1:41 AM and I am setting up a blogger. I guess this is what happens to a person when they take a 6 hour nap in the middle of the day. Too bad I have to get up in 4 hours and get ready to face 110 7th graders that think that school sucks and my goal in life is to take all the fun out of science. I saw that a couple of my friends have bloggers and how nice it would be to have a place to post my thoughts. I get so worn down from keeping so much crap locked up inside me. So here I am...blogging.